Average Jane

You ever feel like you are stuck. Like you're just average. I hate that feeling.

Who wants to be average? Who wants to just exist? I want to make an impact.. but with what? Doing what?

Amazing people are all around me.. running their own businesses, rockin' up the corporate ladder, being asked to be involved with super cool leadership projects, creating beautiful works of art.. the list goes on and on. Right now, I got nothin'.

I hate complaining about my job because I am the luckiest gal in the world when it comes to jobs. I am in medical-type sales. I have great products. I believe in what I do. But sometimes.. a lot of times.. it's not enough. It's the same song and dance every day. And let's just get really real here. Sometimes.. I don't want to be perky! And I'm one of the perkiest people I know!

The other problem.. I need to be busy. I need to be in a fast-paced, high pressure environment. Some days are like that. But mostly.. you just cruise from office to office hoping someone will throw you a bone. So desperate.

I have three beautiful, amazing, healthy children. When you raise kids, clearly you are impacting society. I take that responsibility very seriously. I totally get its importance. But.. I feel like I need something more immediate. With your kids.. you don't REALLY know whether you've screwed up until they're older.

I want to put my stamp on something. There's nothing better than the feeling, "Wow. I did that. Thank you Lord."

It's difficult to pray for something like this.. because you don't want to appear ungrateful for all He has given you (especially when it's WAAAYYY too much). But on the other hand, I can't ignore this feeling. I want to experience His peace and joy. And right now.. that is soo not happening. I am wondering why this discontentment. Is He preparing me for something? Is He teaching me something? The waiting game.

Will I find it, will it find me? What is it? Is it nothing? Is it a phase? Do I settle for average? Or strive for more?

Time will tell, I suppose. In the meantime, this very average person is going to go have a very fantastic cup of tea.