The Morning After

You know when you leave a party.. you get into the car.. and you can't wait to ask your husband, "Did she REALLY say that?" That was certainly the case for me last night. However, the question wasn't did she really say that.. the question was more like, "Did I really say that?" Ugghh. We received a gift.. a very personal sweet gift that someone spent a lot of time on. Everyone at the party got one. It was our 'party favor' so to speak. This sweet person went to a lot of trouble to make these wonderful ornaments with a picture of each couple on it. It was such a great idea. Very creative, very thoughtful. However, the picture that Craig and I sent to her wasn't exactly ideal for the amount of space on the ornament. You see, these hand crafted ornaments were a surprise to us. We were only told to send a picture of the two of us. Something extremely difficult to do since we have none. The only recent picture we have of just us was taken as I was being wheeled into the operating room for Presley's birth. Considering we were both in surgical gear and I was the size of a barn, that's not exactly the picture we wanted to send. The picture we ended up finding was from three years ago at Christmas. It was a close up of me and Craig. Apparently, it was so close that our heads were too big so they asked us to send another picture. Aside from using our wedding picture from seven years ago, we have none. So this sweet little crafty mama used what she had. She had nothing else to go on. She had lemons so she was attempting to make lemonade. Her husband later told us she spent days on it. Cutting, pasting.. trying to get it perfect. The problem was, because of the photo we sent, perfection was not attainable. So, God love her, she cut my head out.. and glued it next to a much smaller photo of Craig. My head looked quite large next to his.. nearly 3D. When we received the gift, instead of opening it and being gracious.. we opened it and died of laughter. We made several little jokes about it.. she has a marvelous sense of humor and laughed as well.. and then came the big whammy. I actually said to her, laughing, trying to be funny, trying to be a comic, thinking I was the funniest person in room, "Did you make this and actually think, 'Wow, they will really love it!'" Ok, what?!?! Who is that rude?!?! Who would ever have the nerve to make such a comment. I mean seriously! For the love of Peter, Paul and Mary - who says that?! I would love to blame it on the alcohol. But I just had one glass of wine. I did however drink an entire pitcher of Crystal Light. Maybe the aspartame made me say it. Maybe aspartame has some 'stupid comment' side effect when consumed in large quantities. Maybe I'll write to the makers of aspartame asking them to put a warning on the product so others can avoid such tragedies. Later when my husband and I got into the car, I asked the big question. I was somehow hoping maybe I didn't in fact say it. That it was just a bad dream. Unfortunately he informed me, I indeed opened my big mouth and inserted my foot. It was a long car ride home. An hour and a half actually. This morning when I woke up I felt terrible. I wish it was that terrible hang over feeling because it would go away. Unfortunately it's that terrible, "I can't believe I really said that" feeling that only goes away over time. A long, long time. I'm debating whether to send flowers, a card, chocolate, wine, a new car. Next year, if we're invited, I will drink lots of alcohol. Then if I say something stupid maybe I won't remember it. The long car ride home won't be so painful. The next morning won't be so brutal. We have another Christmas party tonight. I know what I won't be drinking (Crystal Light is the devil) and saying.